Beware of Drop Bears
by LarcSakurai
Summary: Alfred plans a trip to Australia, who has a little bit of a trick up his sleeve


"G'day, Alfred!"

"Mnh..." Alfred adjusted his headset, careful not to catch the Nantucket standing proud atop his head. The American rubbed the sleep from his eyes, trying to pull the image of his Australian brother into focus on the laptop before him. It was only nine in the morning and all Alfred wanted to do was curl back up and doze off before he had to prepare for the day's work. Boomer was grinning wide, poking at the camera as if to prod the other.

"C'mon lazy bum, wake up! I should be the sleepy one here. You should have slept last night instead of making yourself some Canadian bacon, eh?"

"Mnf..." Alfred stuck his tongue out, remembering fondly the scratches that could probably be seen coating his chest. "Soon as we make the plans."

It had been a long time since Alfred had last seen Boomer; his name was Jack but he claimed it was too boring; and after finding himself in possession of a little surplus decided it was time to head down under and get away from the demands of life for awhile. Matthew would be off in France so it was better than being completely alone. He had never really seen Australia for an extended period of time before, mostly there for meetings or some kind of world event. It was time for a good old-fashioned vacation as far away from the States as he could manage.

"There really much to plan? I'll be there to get you." Boomer rolled over onto his back, looking up with his big dark eyes. "Not like I'm going to forget you or anything! Is Matty coming too?"

"No..." Alfred yawned. "He's going to see Francis for awhile. Is there anything I should bring to make sure I come home alive again?" He shivered at the thought of the narrow escape he'd had with spiders the last time he'd been down for the Olympics. Funnel webs were NOT supposed to be that big. No spider alive should be allowed to be that damn big. People who thought everything was big in Texas had obviously never seen Australian wildlife before.

"Well not that I can think of." Boomer rolled back over, kicking his feet idly. "I have the bug spray and anything else you could really need. Customs and the like is bloody tight anyway."

"Yeah, I can relate."

"But.. there is.. one thing I have to warn you about."

Alfred blinked, looking over at the webcam. Boomer's face was stoic, utterly serious and it sent a shiver through the American's heart. Australia was never serious, not in all the years Alfred had known him. Whatever it was must have been weighing on his sibling through their planning period. Hoping against all odds he wasn't about to say there was some international conflict that was going to threaten his neck from the moment he stepped off the plane, he sighed and carefully inquired just what was so serious.

Boomer's brows furrowed, crossing his arms. "Drop bears."

Alfred blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Drop bears, Alfred!" Boomer shrieked. "Bloody hell, you've never heard of them?"

"N-No!" Alfred felt his face burn twenty shades of red. He didn't have time to keep an eye on every deadly creature in the world, especially when Australia had so many of them already. "W-What are they?"

Boomer sat upright, staring intently into the camera. "They're big ass koala-like bears, around the size of your black bears. They're nasty little blokes too, you gotta keep a good watch for them! They hide up in the trees and wait until someone happens by... and then..."

Alfred swallowed hard. "A-And then what..?"

"BAM!" Boomer's arms latched onto himself. "They drop down from the trees on top of your unsuspecting head and maul your fuckin' brains out! Vicious little shits they are!"

Alfred's wild hair leapt straight on end, his eyes growing huge. "You're not.. planning a nature hike or anything.. a-are you?"

"Well, I was actually." He admitted.

"Are you TRYING to kill me?"

"No! All y'gotta do to protect yourself is.. well.. research it yourself."

"WHAT?" Alfred's eyes got huge. "What do you mean look for it myself!"

"Dammit, just do it!"

Alfred scowled, clicking open a new tab he quickly typed and clicked the first result. What in the hell was he thinking? A nature hike where something could unsuspectingly drop on his head ta any given moment? It was worse than air strikes! He supposed he could carry an unusually sharp stick over his head however odd that might look. At least he wouldn't be the only one doing it, or so he hoped. Setting his glasses up he leaned in closer, reading aloud the article he had found.

"A drop bear, or dropbear, is a fictitious Australian marsupial. Drop bears are commonly said to... Wait what! Fictitious?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The loud, wild laughter echoed through the bedroom. "I GOT YA!"

"YOU LITTLE SHITHEAD!" Alfred's face burned a million shades of red but he couldn't help but crack a smile. "They're not even fucking real!"

"Nahhh!" Boomer waved it off. "We came up with it to scare the tourist blokes that kept rambling about how everything here is so deadly."

Not like they're wrong or anything, Alfred scowled mentally. Letting out a heavy sigh, he crossed his arms. It would be just like Boomer to pull something like this and just like himself to fall for it. Why couldn't he be the smart one like Matthew?

"Alright, so I'll be there at seven then?" The Aussie was still wearing his proud smirk.

"Yeah.. see you later, shithead."

"Love you too, brother!"


End file.
